"So this is what it's like to be in a soft porn."

I'm listening to various commencement speeches online in preparation for my little 10-minute number that I'm given to the graduates in the English Department in June. Right now I'm listening to Steve Jobs who so far I've learned was adopted, dropped out of college, returned bottles for nickels and would treat himself to one meal at the Hare Krishna temple because he was so poor in college.

He's like m...Read more

The Good, the Bad, and The Greasy

Since I bought Harold (my car's name) almost two years ago, I keep getting questions about the car and whether or not I can recommend Lovecraft, etc. etc . And I've kept a tight lip about my REAL experience with Lovecraft's original owner (Brian Friedman/ Brian Lovecraft) who sold me my car. The reason why I didn't tell anyone how bad he was to me was I was scared if I talked smack, he would never fix my car (which he didn't fix ...Read more

Living.

I haven't even begun to chronicle the last two weeks on the road. It feels like it's been an eternity since I took off for this one month on the road. The days have been so packed. And it always seems to happen this time of year-- The Women's History Month/Asian Pacific Islander Heritage month rounds I call them.

I am compelled to blog because I was reading about the recent suicide of Read more

Hipping it up in Williamsburg...

I really promise, a fuller update to come from my adventures from Texas to Massachusetts to tomorrow in Long Island where I have a show at Stonybrook U..

I just got to New York City today and am subletting in the heart of Hipsterville for the rest of the month. I am sleeping in my friend's loft bed in a place at 4th St and Bedford Ave in Williamsburg! I swear it's so Disney Hipsterland here that I piss Pabst beer (ironi...Read more

"You too can use your UCLA English Degree to think up synonyms for 'schlong' and 'humping'."

Holy Smokeroos! I just got into Amherst, MA last night where I'm hosting this conference showcase. I'm jumping up and down because I got this email...

Dear Kristina,

The year after you graduated from UCLA, the English department began a tradition of inviting one of our alumni to give a commencement address. For 2008, we would very much like you to be that person! Our department commencement is scheduled to take pla...Read more

50 cents a Gallon! Score!

So, I've been staying at my friend D'lo's in Santa Monica for the two day stint I'm here. (I'm frantically packing now by the way.) I parked my car by 9th and Washington and come back to see a note on my car in serial killer writing that says "I have cleaned WVO for you. -Mark" With a phone number.

"Cleaned WVO" for those not in the know is clean, usable vegetable oil that can be used for fuel.

I...Read more

"The king leaps the insane asylum broken taboo "

Back in LA for all of two days after a great trip to San Antonio. An update with photos to come. I am trying to get ready to leave town for the month!!

My friend and videographer, Paul, figured out how to translate that Chinese article that was done about my show using Babelfish.

The result is pure poetry! I ...Read more

Deep in the Heart of the Waffle.

The motel we're at has a waffle machine that let's us know where we are. The continental breakfast is so funny. There's a gallon of milk in the sink sitting on an inch of ice. Waffles, bread, and squirtable jam and butter. And coffee.

No fruit. No juice.

Hey, it's Texas.

The enchiladas I had today from Tito's were insanely good. And rich. I'm glad the walk from Jumpstart Performance Space to the ...Read more

Butter Face.

"She's got a butter face. Everything looks good on her, butter face." --Wisdom from Big John, Rock of Love

Just blogging to let everyone know I'm still alive. I had some down time in the last few weeks which while good for relaxation, is very bad because it's just me and my thoughts. Alone.

One such amazing thought I had was this week: "Hey! Why not get my last name tattooed on my forearm in Old English!?"

Of course, I had this idea at a bar where apparently, many amazing tattoo ideas ...Read more

YES.

Maybe my jokes will go over better when I am 86.