“theres a storm in my heart”

friday, may 1st, 2009:

“the kids are alright tour” (2nd stop)

[ SUBTEXT GALLERY ]

2479 kettner blvd. san diego ca 92101

opening, 7 - 10pm

“there’s a storm (weathering) in my heart”…..(acrylic on canvas) 3′ x 4′.

its amazing how much i can write about the same goddamn thing, and i can paint about the same old shit, but it comes out in different ways. like a kalidescope, but not…

[ there’s a storm in my heart. ]

theres a storm in my heart.

as soon as the momentum in my steps slowed down

i realized i could feel the rain.

because if i fell with the water in the sky

i want the next person to catch me.

in the beginning… i did this while i had the flu. obviously ended up painting over it.. well, the under painting was pretty ha

i was like, huh, i can paint. how funny.

this is a self portrait. i have a friend who kinda led me on and then dropped me hella quick. it sucked, but i recovered. i also learned after he hurt me, i was strong enough to get up and try again… i think that was an important lesson for me this year. i think i also learned that since i was ready to hurt, i was ready to give an actual relationship a try, even if it were to be a ‘part time’ one.

so this friend and i went out to eat at midnight. we found ourselves drinking tea at dennys at 3am. he called me out — he said i act all tough on the outside, but really im a little deer in the inside, like a fawn. i was like, gah… hes kinda right. whadda dick .

im still upset at the last one because he took too much away from me.

online somewhere is said my power animal was a king cobra. i kinda laughed to myself because i paint a lot of snakes in my paintings. theyre fallacies to be honest, representing mostly the people or guys who hurt me. so i find it funny that the things that hurt me are (supposedly) essentially me. though i would like to point out that as much as i am a romantic, i dont prefer to romanticize misery — that would be counter intuitive mentality for me… more or less im just pissed off……and i guess very snakey.. haha.

the butterflies are my signature, theyre pretty much in every single painting i do, whether visible or hidden. my first 2 person show i shared with mia araujo i had them, they represented the beauty found in pain. its a little emo, but essentially theyre little metaphors about evolving no matter the price.

an excerpt from [ like water. ]

“vodka will not wash away the sins, but it will sting a little.

nor will the tears cleanse away the residue of so much in so little time.

i probably cried the hardest when i gave away what meant the most, what i was saving.

they dont even remember. and that was a while back anyways.

their hands were shakey in mine, and i knew i couldnt hold onto them any longer.

its like band aids for scratches, its really just for show. it doesnt make us heal faster,

but we like to believe it does just because it is sticky and it hugs back.”