Forgiveness and Peace of mind

I'm sitting here watching the Lakers/Magic game on Pearl right now and for the first time ever, I'm not rooting for Kobe to lose. Perhaps my lack of respect for the Magic has something to do with it, but I think it’s more because I've finally reached peace of mind with a player I've disliked heavily since 1998.

To be honest, alot of the hate was unjustified. I hated how he was voted as an all star starter in 98 when he wasn't even a top 50 or 60 player in the league. I hated how the homer Laker fans declared him to be better than Jordan by 2002 or so. I was essentially hating him because of other people's (mainly casual basketball fans and homers in Los Angeles) senselessness.

(Aside: Keep in mind I'm using "hating" in the sports term. Hate in sports works differently from hate in real life. It's not as venomous)

But some of the hate were perfectly justified. His showboating and insistence on taking every shot in his first all star game (Jordan whupped his ass that night to keep him humble), his selfish playing style from 1996 to 2008, and of course snitching on Shaq to the cops are all legit reasons to hate him.

Still, I spent 2000 to 2003 more rooting against Kobe than rooting for someone else. I was a true Iverson fan in 01 and a true Pierce fan last year. But other than that, I was backing guys like Jalen freaking Rose and Rip Hamilton just because they were taking on Kobe.

I don't know when it happened, but recently I've accepted Kobe's place among the greatest players in history in and I finally have true respect for him. I'm not rooting for him to lose is a start. If anything, his determination (playing with a fucked up pinky for over a year now) and hunger is a trait I appreciate. When he gets his fourth ring--first as the best player on his own team--he will jump a level in the all time rankings.

Basketball isn't the only area I've found peace of mind lately. I think I have learned how to forgive in other aspects of life recently too.

Due to recent events, I pulled some High Fidelity bullshit recently and sought out my first love for a look back. We ended very badly, with her doing something so hurtful that it scarred me and lowered my self esteem for years (not after I kicked the guy's ass though. When the cops showed up and heard the story, instead of arresting me they basically gave me a subtle head nod and let me go. Possibly one of the highlights of my life there).

I wanted an apology from her but never got a sincere one at the time. Being so weak in the heart, I eventually accepted it and we maintained our friendship anyway.

Well, during our brief talk recently, she finally apologized to me for what she did. It's been five and a half years yet I still remember how I felt that summer and every little detail of what she did.

But you know what? Her apology doesn't matter anymore. And I don't mean "doesn't matter" in a dismissive fuck-you way. Instead, it doesn't matter anymore because I had long forgiven her and have no hard feelings about what happened.

I guess this is the true meaning of forgiveness. To have peace of mind.

Growing up?