Now what?

This has been a pretty non-stop year.  Until now.  I'm in LA and I'm finally getting a chance to pause as no projects are actively shooting at the moment.  My docu-series picks up again this weekend, but the last couple of weeks have been relatively quiet.  It feels weird.  And I think I've come to realize that I don't do well with not being engaged on a project or working on something.  I just wrapped a feature film, but it's now in the hands of an editor so as much as I want to move it along to help it get finished and then introduced to the world, there is nothing I can do.  I must let it breathe.  (I need to learn how to edit.)  I think the fact that this year has been full of so many things has created a monster in me and now, every moment, I feel like I want to use my energy towards making something meaningful, in whatever capacity that may be.

I'm actually really really itching to return to Asia at the moment.  LA is ... when nothing is happening, it's a stagnant place.  It lacks the energy that I feel when I'm in NYC, Shanghai, or Hong Kong.  I love the beaches, I love the weather, and when minds come together in LA to create art, it can be awesome, but when minds are miles apart, there is something so vapid and dry about this place.  The energy I feel in other places is literally pulsating beneath my feet.  I've been thinking long and hard about relocating to base myself here and it looks like it's going to happen, but I am so fearful right now of doing that and having it be a big mistake.  I have become such a city person that I feel like I need it to feel alive.  The constant connection I feel to a vibrant place that is 24 hours 'round the clock feels as if it were my heartbeat.  Alas, returning to LA has also always felt like it was in the cards as it's situated along the Pacific Rim which is what I think works best for me and not to mention it's not too far from my family up North who has always wanted me to come back West.  In fact, the day I left LA eons ago, I always said, like Arnold does, "I'll be back."

Part of me thinks I'm just whining as once I get here and settle in, I'll feel better about it, but it is a fear nonetheless right now that to give up city living will suck the soul out of me.  Yes, I can always go back and nothing is forever, but man, I'm tired of traveling around all the time too.  I'd like to find a place called home.  As I move on in life, I'll continue to make mistakes, but I'd also like to feel like I'm making the right decisions, especially on things that are big.

I'm going to try to keep a part-time life in NYC going, but we'll see how that works out.  The timing to do this just feels right right now - and yet it doesn't.  I'm a California boy at heart, but the world beckons. 

Or does it...