i'm so lucky

you know, i realized again today, just how very lucky i am...all of my life, i've had special friends, people who have entered my life, been there for me, supported me, cared for me, cheered me on when i had no idea what i was doing where i was going, people who took me in and loved me...i've been truly blessed...

just these past few months, i've gotten to know the alive not dead people, and they have become good friends too.  good people, all of them.  and the people i've met on this site, have all been so kind, so f...Read more

july 1st

so i'm not normally one of those ooh i gotta watch fireworks people.  but last night, i was invited to a party at the intercontinental which has the loveliest view right on the harbour and i felt like i couldn't pass it up. however, the journey to get to this party was far from easy.  way too far from easy.  the taxi didn't even want to venture from the hong kong side over to the kowloon side. well, especially at my last minute hour.  i got in the car at 7 and uh, since the fireworks were supposedly starting at 8, the people were just pi...Read more

kindergarten graduation

so i just got back from shanghai where my little twin nieces had a kindergarten graduation that was a bit too little miss sunshine for my taste...it was a crazy variety show-like production.  i mean, i don't even remember HAVING a kindergarten graduation...this was seriously way too extreme.  i think, it was just a way for all of those teachers to get to karaoke in front of a huge audience.  it did, after all, take place in this hugeass coliseum.  jeez.  the production was literally two and a half hours long.  what 6-year old has ...Read more

babies

i'm going to shanghai to see my cousin's little 6-year old twins graduate from kindergarten...i never knew they HAD ceremonies for that, but apparently they do...and i'm going...cuz how cute is that?  they're so sweet over there when i call them and they ask am i coming in their sweet voices so pure, so smart at such a young age...they make me melt. 

last nite i saw a friend of mine and their little 1-year old who was so gorgeous, all big-eyed curious, full of life, filled with so much love coming at her from all directions.  ...Read more

my sweet sister marsha

if you have any brothers or sisters, you'll know what it feels like, that whole relationship, the dynamic, the good times, the bad...how you ultimately want to protect them from any and all harm out there in the world.  you can say shit about them, but nobody else out there better, cuz you'll be the first one to go knock them down...that's how i feel about all of my siblings...we all have eachother's back...so, having marsha out there in shanghai doing this competition is a scary thing cuz i feel like she's out ther...Read more

side note

zits suck.

where do i put all of this emotion?

i don't know if this is just the way of actors, and artists in general, or just everyone in life, where you feel like you're saturated, beyond saturated, with all of this emotion, feeling, and you need to spew it somewhere, purge it out of your system cuz you are drowning in it...that's how i feel right now. i always reach these points, when i haven't had a role to play, to throw my emtions into without constraint...i need an outlet..so i write, well i'm trying to write, i'm always trying to write, ...Read more

baking

i'm in baking mode now...it's not yet full blown, but it's getting there...i haven't baked in ages, something stopped me, maybe it was not having a home, a hugeass martha stewart kitchen and thinking without that, i couldn't really do it to the fullest, but anyways, i've started...and uh oh, what have i done?!  to the poor alivenotdead dudes, you're going to start wondering if you aren't dying from sugar overdose.  hehe.  thank you for being such kind tasters, smiling big smiles as you painfully swallowed those melt in ...Read more

NOW

lately i've been doing a lot of reading...books given to me, suggested to me...it's always telling when someone gives you a book.  what type of book it is, how they know that you NEED that book.  sometimes of course, it's embarrassing...but mostly, it's lovely, a sign that that person knows you, cares about you, loves you, and wants to help you find peace, happiness, calm. 

i'm trying so hard to live in the NOW, to be in the present, let go of the past, not worry about the future.  it's hard to do, you know?  it's the...Read more

grow up

when exactly are you "grown up?" or must you grow up?  i definitely feel like i'm falling WAY behind on this whole step in my life.  i feel that way everyday when i float around country to country, without roots, nothing to tie me down, no place to call home...yet it seems other people in my life come in and out, leave and venture off to new things, new lives, while i'm still here...doing what?  this is what i'm thinking at 4:28am.  it really sucks when you can't sleep.  when you want the day to start only to think what am i...Read more