The Koala - a docile create of intense danger

On a recent trip to the land down under, I discovered the little known fact that the cute and cuddly pride of Australia known as the Koala can be quite dangerous.  Who knew?

Darwin must have had a sense of humor, for he/she definitely had the last laugh with the Koala.  Now you may ask how such a docile creature who sleeps 22 hours a day, is a practicing vegan, and sports a soft, full-body afro could be a threat to any creature, let alone a human.  Well, fear not.  Koalas do not lurk in dark alleyways, awaiting to disembowel unsuspecting drunk Aussies with their 3 inch claws.  Nor do they swing out of trees and suffocate their victims with the fleshy part of their marsupial pouches.  No, Koalas are incredibly dangerous to humans if, and only if, one decides to eat our furry little friend.  Tis a very zen defense for a very zen creature.

Now I'll be the first to admit that I have never even considered dining on koala.  The thought would be equivalent to eating our childhood best friend and doggie companion, Fido...I am no cannibal.  However, given that the koala is a marsupial (not a bear, a common mistake), it is a close relative to the kangaroo - a meat that many humans enjoy around the world.  But what makes the eating of a koala so dangerous versus that of a kangaroo or cow, chicken, lamb, goat, ostrich, etc. is, at it's root, what the Koalas eat everyday... eucalyptus leaves.  Yes, it is the oils of the eucalyptus leaf that is rather potent.  Pool enough of it together and it will make a rather nice and powerful disinfectant.  The biology of a koala allows the natural processing of this toxin.  And thank god for that because the eucalyptus leaf is the only thing that these critters can eat.  And it's this very toxin that makes eating a koala a rather deathly proposition.  But hey, look at the upside...instead of eating koala, we get to hug them and enjoy the fact that they smell like Tiger Balm 24/7.

BTW - the original British "criminals" that settled in Australia discovered the deadliness of koala meat the hard way.  Thinking they were easy prey, they were popped with the might of a musket and slaughtered by the hundreds and eaten by thousands.  Which lead to the painful death of many a euro.  So if there was a mantra for the koala, I would imagine it to be something like this - "Please hug me.  Please don't eat me.  OR YOU WILL BLEED OUT OF YOUR FRICKIN EYEBALLS AND FUCKIN DIE!"