Feb 14: "Singles Awareness Day"

Today I did stand-up at the Laugh Lounge in the Lower East Side. I'm quite cynical and don't believe that anyone goes to see stand-up anymore, especially in this economy, or when you can see it for free online, or when it is Valentine's Day and there are meals to be eaten and action to be had.

I am wrong. There were plenty of couples looking to laugh it out before getting their rocks off. In fact the show was so sold out that I gave up my seat at the comics' table to some audience members.

Tonight, in what would have otherwise been a small show of comics and their friends, was a packed show with a paying audience (mostly couples) and I don't know how, but I killed. I was kinda lost the whole time and felt like the people in eyeshot were blankfaced. But I rocked the crap out of my 7 minutes as evidenced by the overall reaction. The one Asian girl in the audience took a picture with me after like I was some kind of celebrity-- that's how much I rocked the shit out of that place.

So much so that the producer said he'd bring me back again for a full on guest spot (a longer set in a more highlighted place in the show.) I do have to say, I was the only girl (and Asian) in the show, and a lot of the comics might as well have shit on the mics their mouths were so dirty-- and so the audiences appreciated it when I came up and said first thing, "Nice to be the only girl on an all guy line-up" and started to wipe down the mic with a tissue.

Also, before the show started, some women came up to me and asked if I was the waitress, and I pointed out during my set how "they seemed confused that the nail lady was suddenly waitressing"-- it killed.

But in my (post-show celebratory) two long island iced tea haze I have a deep ass question for the world.... [ready for this?

At what point it is that people give up on love and just choose to fake/benefit through the motions of it?

Having been as solo traveling as I've been the last few years, I've had a lot of time to witness people in different cities and the lives they lead in one place. I think about the "settled" down life that I only have with my cat... and at that, I haven't seen my cat for all of four weeks. My community is scattered across the country. My most stable community is me and my suitcase. It's me and my body and the conversations I have with myself in transit.

Watching all these couples in the subway, in the street, in the bars and comedy club tonight, I began to think about how many of them have really had the benefit of experiencing their partner in full unrestrained loving ways. How many of them really discover that emotion of pure love (not just lust) together. How many of them are faking it and are drawn to each other because of biology. How much of it is desperation... How much of it comes from full, open, and total pure love?

Which makes me consider love and lust and how different the two are. Lust comes from hunger. Love, from an open and giving spirit.]()What fear sets in that prevents us from being ready to love from that open pure place?When do we decide to cave into that fear and become actors in the game of love just so we can be part of it, as much as we distance ourlselves from it?Ok, that's enough deep crap for me, I'm turning in. Good night.