and then, there is me.

I am an empty pitcher, waiting to be filled with words, with a character's history, with the presence of people around me. This is not meant to be a poetic metaphor. Rather, this is who I am, and this is something I must embrace in life.This thought was birthed out of a conversation with a new actor-director friend I have had many conversations with recently. He asked a few actor friends & me this question: " Do you act in real life?" I answered, " Yes, all the time," thinking that it was something everyone did. But my friends said they only acted in certain situations - one felt he acted when he was working at his full-time job, another said he only acted when he felt down & wanted to cover up that emotion.And they said they knew who they were, underneath all the acting they did.I answered truthfully, that I acted all the time, and that I had no clue who the real me is. In front of one friend, I can be playful & child-like & "totally cute", in his words. Yet another friend describes me as "business-like". And when I'm with another friend, I become "cuddly like a teddy bear".Behind everything, I fade into the background. I've been this way for as long as I can remember, since I was a little child. In a way, you can say I know exactly who I am:  "I am an empty pitcher waiting to be filled." And I love myself this way.