u don’t know me. my ramblings.

Invisibility. To blend into the background, to be one of “them”. To not be outstanding. To observe, listen, learn. To be a blank slate, not an actor, not dramatic. No one knows who the real me is – and over the years, I’ve become so many different people that I no longer know who I really am.

I feel colourless at times, almost transparent. I only take shape & form when I’m becoming a character, becoming a solid being. Otherwise, I’m like an ethereal being, here but not really here.

Yesterday, I was indirectly told that I don’t want this enough. I can always choose to do something else.I didn’t defend myself or argue, but I have one thing to say: I do want this, and although I don’t have to prove anything, I will get what I really want… And let that be my answer.

I’m learning Japanese – a third language – and taking the JLPT4 in December. I need to work on my Mandarin, which is apparently American-accented. I wonder if I should go for jaw reconstruction surgery.

Good news. Another short film which I did, “Paper Stars” got into the BRNO16 Festival. Another of my previous short films,  “Toilet” , also got into this film festival last year. So I’m happy for the cast & crew.

Also, my vocals teacher has persuaded me to join the SAFRA PK Singing Competition , mainly for experience’s sake. Argh.

i’m going back to being invisible now.