My life as a fag hag.

Friend: I have a theory

Me: OH yeah? What? reading the paper and eating an oat muffin

Friend: I think I'm sexy.

Me: Yeah,cool.

Friend: HEY! I just said I think I'm sexy, and that doesn't get your attention? snatches paper away

Me: HEY!!! Why did u do that, I know U're sexy, this is old news!!!! It's like saying Angelina Jolie is pregnant. Like dude,get over it. The kids are even born,and they are twins this time.

Friend: It's hard getting your attention baby.

Me: U have it now. Straight on. WHAT?glares

Friend: U should marry me so I can live happily ever after with my new man.

Me: U HAVE A NEW MAN?!!!!

Friend: See,isn't this better than reading about Lindsay Lohan?

Me: Dude,erm I was actually reading about the US election. U got the wrong hilary and friends. How did u meet him?

Friend whispers in hushed tones. Lots of giggles.

Me: I'm really happy for u sista.

Friend: I AM TOO. Stunning isn't it. U are my favourite fag hag. Love u darlin.

Me: Yeah,u dumbass. Pass me my peanutbutter,what are u doing?

Friend grabs the half opened jar of peanutbutter on the table and scoops the other muffin off the table.

Me: Hey! Now u're starving me?

Friend: Darlin. Can u please control your eating? I am terrified if u start chewing my arm when u get hungry shrivels in mock horror

Me: Yeah, I know. Condemn me. sulks

Friend: Now now,who loves u most?

Me: ......God?

Friend: That's right. I'm the god of sensuality.

Me:..............................