No pain, no gain!

When your heart if filled with grief, nothing in the world seems to matter anymore. What you see is not what other people see. (You can't see color.) You think, nothing will ever be the same again. (And, it won't be.) You fear nothing because what could be worse? (Nothing.)

The sad thing is, it can be worse. Can't it? You could lose more people you love. You could experience more sadness. You won't be able to help more people. The more people you love, the worst it'll be.

Knowing this reality is extremely depressing. Who wants to live if this is what life is about? Not I. If these are the "realities"of life people speak of, I don't want to get to know any more of them. If getting old means more sadness, then, I don't want to get old (anymore).

Then...things happen, "angels" (re-)appear, you start smiling again, people share their stories with me, the city talks to me, strangers introduce a new perspective...and I realize I must have hope or...

I'm screwed