i dream of peeing

yesterday, on what was a perfectly crisp fall night, the subject of pee dreams came up.  and when i say it “came up,” i mean i drank a big glass of water to save myself from the death thirst right before bed and thought, “shit, i’m gonna have to pee in the middle of the night,” which was immediately followed by, “OooOOooo, but maybe i’ll have a pee dream!”

then i twittered it.

have you ever had one of those?  i don’t know about you, but mine are kind of fun.  they weren’t fun when i was four because i’d actually pee, but luckily i’ve grown out of that.  i think.

so my pee dreams as they’ve evolved over the years:

i’m dreaming.  i don’t know i’m dreaming.  i have to pee.  i have to pee really really really bad.

sometimes it’s normal — toilet.  sit.  pee.  maybe it’s a hotel room, or a restaurant…i dunno, but it’s fairly normal.

otherwise — and here’s where my psyche is fucked up — there’s some obstacle.  and when i say obstacle it’s something like all i have is a urinal, or it’s some gnarly toilet out of trainspotting, or worse:  a sink.  yes, a sink.  MY PSYCHE forces me to PEE IN A SINK in my dreams.

THANKS, subconscious.  thanks a whole flippin’ lot.

then here’s the other torturous part.  regardless of the venue, without fail i will pee and pee and pee and pee, and it’s kind of satisfying, but i’m always in a rush to finish, and there is just a neverending supply of piss.  somehow i’ll finish, zip up, and try to go back to doing something, and then I HAVE TO PEE AGAIN!  i have had up to FOUR PEES in one dream.  FINALLY i’ll wake the fuck up and stumble in the dark to go pee for real.  and it’ll be one of the best half asleep pees EVER.

as torturous as these dreams are, i’ve grown to love and appreciate them.  it’s like the ‘life’ my [sub]consciousness creates while my physical self is in storage mode.  my dream life you could say (disturbing).  or maybe it’s the complicated way my brain tells itself to wake up my body.  an experiential reminder [or illustration] of how to relieve my bursting bladder maybe?

i dunno.  but it’ll be fun until i become incontinent.  livin it up while i still can…OH YES.

baxter in a sink.  instead of pee.