tempered egos

i was joking around with a friend yesterday — having some faux-competitive ego flexing — when he asked me what i wanted for stakes.

i was momentarily frozen, unable to think of something to wager, almost overwhelmed by the playful competition.  i proclaimed that i was sooo NOT really a competitive person, which lead him to ask, “how can you not be competitive?  you’re job is all about competition!”

and well, the answer is…i am actually competitive.  but, with myself.  i am always feeling like i need to do better.  to do more.  to do something nobody else has done.  however, when it comes to feeling competitive toward my actual, living, breathing competitors — the ones i see at auditions, that are reading for and being seen for the same roles as me — well, i learned that it doesn’t serve me the slightest to focus on them in that way.  to pin myself against them.

funny thing is, i used to do this.  back when i FIRST started, i used to go on IMDb and creep around all the other asian chicks in my age range to see what they’ve done, who they were repped by, how long they’ve been doing this.  and you know what?  it was awful for me.  it made me insecure and worried about what i DIDN’T have under my belt yet.  what I HADN’T accomplished.

the best thing i can do for my work is keep finding new outlets for expression and meeting people who inspire me.  it also truly helps to feel like i have an audience, so i thank all of ya’ll who follow this damn thing.  seriously.  if you wanna get interactive on this shit…i’d love to hear from ya.

inspire me.

another from lee clower of course.  a previous shoot…

btw, if you wanna click on MY IMDb, please feel free…