Do Not Pass GO. Do Not Collect $200.

My first offence. Littering.

After so many years of the Litter-Free campaign, it has finally hit home. “Sir, we saw you throw the litter into the plants. Please surrender your IC.” Starry tried her best to talk us out of it. Reminds me of the people who try to talk their way out when a traffic cops stops them in a B-grade movie. “There are so many people here doing the same. It is a bad month for us,” she pleads. “Ok, I summon one of you only.” Sigh.

As a first time offender of Section 17 (1) (a), you can compound the amount by paying $200 to the NEA. You can pay by cash at the district office, or cheque, money order or postal order made payable to the “National Environmental Agency”. Or more better-er, you can pay by AXS. How convenient for us offenders. No fire and brimstone. Payment terms made easy. How will we ever learn the ill effects of littering?

I turned to the officer. “ Excuse me, is this your full time job?” I was concerned.

Officer: “No, I work at the NEA as a … …”

®: “Oh, so you kana do extra duty on Sunday?”

O: “We take turns.”

®: “Do you get OT (overtime pay)?”

O: “No.”

®: “Can I volunteer to help the agency catch others?”

O: “I am not sure. Don’t think so.”

Starry: “Yah. If they pay us then we can pay back the fine.”

O: “We don’t get paid for this.”

S: “…”

®: “I think the best solution, tell your bosses- is for offenders like us to be your eyes. As an offender, instead of paying a fine and being threatened jail term and court hearings, we should do the (now abolished) CWO duty and go catch others. Makes your lives easier. You don’t have to put up with stupid excuses and be cursed by people. On a Sunday some more! I though we are into that Family unit thing? Then you guys can spent more time with your family. Then we can go hunting. Can be fun.”

Officer 2: “You damn smart ah.” And nod his head

O: Laughs. Nod.

®: “And if they give us any excuses. We say: We did the same thing. Littering is bad. Now we have changed. Now it is your turn. Go forth and hunt down others”

That’s that. Started reading the back of the slip, and notice that: “You attend a 15-min briefing session within 14 days… on how littering can pollute and harm the environment. Briefing to be held at Southern Environmental Health District Office…

Siah lah. No number to call some more. So called 100 to check for Southern Environmental Health District Office. “Sir, no such number listed.” “Cannot be lah. This is a government office.” “No have sir.” “Give me the NEA number then.”

“67327733.” (NEA number)

®: “Hello, do you have the number to Southern Environmental Health District Office?”

“62724266.” (Southern Environmental Health District Office number)

®: “Hello. Enquiring about the briefing session… I got caught littering.”

“No need. No more briefing. Just pay. Thank you.”

“Oh.”