Dumber than Dumb

Someone once told me that I was perpetually contrary no matter the issue.

Naturally, I disagreed.

I’ve been called critical for its own sake. I don’t see a problem with that.

It’s a rotten job and I love it.

I’ll disagree with or critique just about anything.

Organ donation? No thanks.

Every time someone says “You can’t take it with you,” I say “F@#$ you. It’smyspleen. I came into  the world with it, and I’m leaving with it.”

Living in Hong Kong, I have a markedly Sisyphean task in attempting to critique things like capitalism and advertising.

That doesn’t mean I have an STD.

It means that calling these things into question in Hong Kong is like walking through the Basilica in Rome wearing a t-shirt that says “F@#$ the Pope.”

What is advertising?

It’s an attempt to make people do something they wouldn’t otherwise do.

It’smanipulation.

The best way to do this is throughpositive association.

In other words, the ad should make you want the product or service.

Sometimes they do this throughendorsement.

You know, Andy Lau and the watch.

Or the green tea.

The logic being “I like Andy Lau. I will buy this tea.”

I’m a big fan of Zhang Hanyu, the mainland actor.

And not just because he has a pimp lean like this:

I just enjoy watching him onscreen.

But I’m not gonna buy an Enicar watch because of it.

I try to resist or ignore advertising. But sometimes its difficult.

Believe it or not, I didn’t buy the phone or go to McDonalds. I don’t speak Japanese.

One of the really annoying things about advertising is the idea ofvisible association.

In Hong Kong, wearing designer gear head to toe gets you ‘face.’

Hmmm… maybe I’d get some face if I dressed better.

Yes, that’s a euphemism.

In America, someone dressed so meretriciously is not rich. They just want you to think they are.

While labels and logos are bad enough, it really bothers me when clothing manufacturers use this concept to get you to advertise for them.

T-shirts are the worst. I don’t think they sell plain t-shirts at the Gap. Or Aberzombie and B*tch. Or J. Crew. If they do, you have to pay extra.

Oh, I see, I have to make up the difference in your advertising budget.

Please contact my accountant, Chuck Hugh Farley.

I’m not above visible association. I have a closet full of black t-shirts with band logos on them.

But they don’t have Thin Lizzy in every strip mall in America.

And thank God forthat.

Recently a lot of AnD artists were endorsing/pimping Diesel brand’s “Be stupid” campaign.

In doing so, I think they succeeded. We’ll see why shortly.

I never said anything, but the whole campaign, and endorsement, struck me as tawdry, cheap, and slightly nauseating.

Celebrating ignorance for the sake of commerce is not something I’d care to be a part of.

Besides, the ads all make it seem as though being stupid is the smart thing to do.

Which makes being smart the stupid thing to do.

You see where this leads?

I thought I saw it too. But I was wrong.

Much more wrong than I ever hoped to be.

I was walking through Elements minding my own business and listening to The Wildhearts when I saw something that made me ask out (very) loud “What the f@#$ is this???”

It’s stupid. But it’s smart to be stupid, right?

****

I’m not easily offended, and I’m not above offending others. In truth, I often enjoy it.

I actually own this t-shirt, and will someday wear it.

No, Kelvin, you can’t have this one.

So it’s not that I’m being a prude.

But even I have my limits.

If this advertisement is ‘cool,’ then me and my middle-aged spare tire and my unhip clothes will all shuffle gladly off to Squaresville.

Because if this is my alternative, I’d simply rather not.

Sometimes being stupid isn’t being smart.

Sometimes, it’s just f@#$ing stupid.

Like an image of someone performing what might reasonably be calledsafe sex analinguson what appears to be a9 year old.

Congratulations. That’s sick, weird, andmonumentallymotherf@#$ing stupid.

*It’s not just because I hold a PhD that I’m glad not to be affiliated with this brand.*

I’d rather floss my taint with angry syphilitic sea urchins dipped in jalapeño sauce than wear Diesel or be associated with it.