Guitar Pornography...

World's Greatest Vacation Update:

Day .5: Sunday, 12/21

For a week, I had been getting about 4 hrs. sleep a night. Which was a lot easier to do when I was in my 20s.

Because it was the 80s and Peruvian Marching Powder was cheap and plentiful.

But never mind that...

I got to Chek Lap Kok at 6:30. It was as exciting and titillating as it sounds. The same for 'Breakfast at Popeye's'.

A bad idea, I admit.

But I got on the plane, after dropping $400 on overweight luggage because I was too tired or lazy to split it into a carry-on and the checked bag. Besides, it's my vacation; f#$ off and take the bag, will ya?

Wander through duty free to find Peninsula chocolate. I had it on good recommendation that this would be the best gift for a woman I never met. So I bought some.

I may only ever get one chance to give an incredibly popular former AV star a Christmas gift, and I didn't want to f@#$ this up.

Do you blame me? I thought not.

If you do, tough sh*t.

So then off I go to the OTHER duty free to buy a bottle of booze for her manager. On January 1st of this year, the time period I have not had a drink will be old enough to drink. I stopped at 21, and I'm 42. But that doesn't mean I don't appreciate the power and majesty of alcohol.

It played a big part in many of my relationships, including my marriage.

But I digress...

Turns out that Northwest, being an American airline, won't allow me to carry liquid on the plane.

Trying to prevent Vomit of Mass Destruction, I guess.

This sucks because I am so thoroughly sleep-deprived that I am grinding my teeth while awake and a ringing in my ears just keeps getting louder.

Why is that important? Because it means that I had to stay awake until I could buy some on the plane. A situation not helped by an hour's delay because of some red light that went on. So we sat there for an hour.

Oh, let me just say, the day I ever get to sit next to a pretty woman on a plane, I'll know my life is almost over. But yesterday was a sign of longevity. But considering my Christmas, it's all good.

After eating the 'food' they gave us for breakfast, they finally allowed me to buy a bottle of Chivas Regal 18 yr. old Special Reserve or something. I figure that any decent man will appreciate at least the gesture if not the contents, and I must say it is a small price to pay for the opportunity to have the erotic vagaries (eels are food, not sex partners) of Japanese pornography explained to me.

Digression: the woman I will interview has never done that sort of thing. I've watched her entire body (!) of work just to make sure...

So finally, I can go to sleep. Which I achieve for probably ten minutes before the brat to my left starts talking very loud because it amuses him to hear his parents shush him. Hong Kong parents are so indulgent. I wanted to eat the kid, but luckily for him, breakfast had turned my stomach sour.

We landed soon enough, and I cleared customs and rented a phone (for I am sure too much $) and took the bus because of that monster luggage.

My first impression of Japan? I almost forgot what it was like to be able to breathe air without a fork.

But I'm not bitter.

A bus and taxi ride later, and I was in my room.

This is not my hotel room.

Neither is this, though I wish it was.

My bathroom does not look like this.

My bathroom does not have one of these in it. I checked thoroughly.

The bed is amazing, because the foot of it does not touch the wall, so I can hang my feet over and feel much better than I do at home.

Neither the bed nor the feet in this photo are mine. Dammit.

But I'm not bitter, because I put my bags down and walked out the front of the hotel and got on the train and went to Ochanomizu.

I don't know what you think of this, but to me it's pornographicallyexciting. And considering the photos above, that's saying something!

That's just oneshop of probably two dozen. it is the biggest 'guitar neighborhood' in the world. And while the Yen is kicking the dollar's ass (and therefore the HK$ too), it doesn't matter. I was just there to look. But eventually, I will buy one. Or two. Or three...

You get the idea.

But it was Sunday, so I went home early because the shops weren't open very late, and I was really exhausted. Dinner consisted of a pork chop sandwich from 7-11. Eating here will be a challenge, but it ain't going to kill me to miss a meal or two.

On my way back, I stopped to take some pictures of the Christmas lights in Akasaka, where I am staying.

It's a standing order from my mother, that's why...

Not very Christmas-y, but from what I hear Christmas Eve is really Valentine's Day Mk II, and Christmas day is nothing special.

Unless you're dining with a porn star.

That's not a lump of coal in my pants, I' m just happy to see you.

So I guess I ought not make anyjudgments on the nature or quality of anything about Christmas in Tokyo.

Especially since my Christmas will kick your Christmas's ass.

I hope she likes the chocolatesthismuch.

I saw this billboard today; nice to know she thinks of me:

It stands for Sean Tierney Doctor, I think. She's afraid she won't be able to control herself...

Anyway, I will try to detail Day 1 for you tomorrow. Lots of interesting stories and pictures...