"Hello, can I speak to Al Koholic?"

Jersey City, New Jersey, 1975. The Tube Bar, owned and operated by Red Deutsch, a former boxer, 6'2" and 200#. Red with Rocky MarcianoThe Tube Bar was a typical dive; no chairs, no pretzels, and Red didn't allow women. He would also throw people out by force if they weren't drinking fast enough. It wasn't very big, but the pay phone, the only one in the place, was on the wall opposite the bar. So whoever was tending bar would have to walk  across the room to pick it up.

A young musician named Jim Davidson had seen Red forcibly eject patrons while walking by the bar during his high school years. A few years after graduation,  he had begun prank calling local bars for fun, taping the calls for his friends' enjoyment. Remembering the sight of Red, then in his 70s, manhandling a much younger man out of the bar, he began calling the Tube Bar.

What begins innocuously enough ("Can I speak to Al Koholic?") soon degenerates into profane verbal mayhem when Red realizes he is being pranked.

It takes him long enough; he loudly asks for people like "Mike Hunt" and "Mike Oxmall" without catching on.

Red's profane tirades are blistering, involving almost every bad word you've ever heard as well as the prank caller's mother. Red repeatedly beseeches the caller to "show a little moxie" and "be a man" and come to the bar and face him. He offers the caller $100, the $500.

Red's pleas are for naught; Davidson not only continues to call but begins taunting Red with escalating vitriol and debased claims of necrophilia with Red's mother.

Davidson made tapes for his friends, who made tapes for their friends. That process was repeated countless times. During the 1980s, 'The Tube Bar Tapes' became an underground legend, circulating among the world of musicians, professional athletes, and others. These calls were Matt Groening's inspiration for the running gag on The Simpsons wherein Moe Szyslak gets pranked by Bart.

I remember listening to this tape (remember tape?) in the late 1980s after a friends gave me a copy. It was a hit with all my good friends and a great way to test the senses of humor of people I just met. 

I have reserved hotel rooms under the name Phil DeGrave and signed legal documents as Al Dipanziou.

 I recently re-discovered the calls thanks to the joys of downloading, and I wanted to share it with people (if you search for 'tube bar tapes', you can find them too). 

It fascinates me (and amuses the hell out of me) to hear just how angry Red becomes without having an aneurysm, heart attack, or both. It also amazes me to hear just how far Davidson pushes him.

But what good is my talking about it? Why not hear it for yourself!These clips are from a short film made from the tapes. Red is portrayed by veteran character actor Lawrence Tierney (no relation). The language is, frankly, inexcusable. But I think it's side-splittingly funny, and maybe some of you will too.There's more, but that gives you the general idea. At one point, Davidson even called Red's home, speaking briefly with Mrs. Deutsch before telling Red "Will you get down here? The bar's on fire!!!"

Red sold the bar in 1980 for a supposedly hefty sum and retired to Pompano Beach, Florida, where he died at the age of 87 on September 11, 1983.He never knew the identity of the prank caller.