Movie Review: 21 Grams

I wish I had 21 grams of K-jai to get twacked on before watching this interminable mess.

A panoply of irredeemably self-absorbed people wallow in self-pity, self-destruction and a willful refusal to consider any other human being on earth.

Not just the cast; that includes the director.

Maybe it's living in Hong Kong for four years, but I find American characters more and more solipsistic, and I spent a lot of screen time hoping that the entire cast would get run over, not just the father and two girls.

I found them so selfish and distasteful that I began hoping that somehow they too would die laying in the street with the taste of their own blood in their mouth, screaming for a mother either already dead or blithely unconcerned about this rancid offspring's passing.

I didn't like any of these people, and while maybe I'm not supposed to, that doesn't mean that I want to spend two hours watching them act like jackasses.

I certainly didn't want to watch them through the irritating and counterproductive editing of the film, which made me think of William Burrough's Naked Lunch (the book, not the movie).

Except that Naked Lunch was good.

Non-linear narrative destroys momentum and forces the viewer into  emotional epilepsy, so that by the time you feel something, the narrative jumps backward or forward and forces you to start all over again.

Except none of these walking bags of sh*t parading as humans are worth it.

Neither is listening to Sean Penn do a voiceover that strains mightily to be profound but ends up sounding like a bad take on philosophy that some coked-out, unemployed Hollywood suit would use to try and pick up a woman on Venice Beach.

The name of the film is based on something with less than no scientific veracity, and the movie just gets worse from there.

I want to be reincarnated as a monkey in a zoo, so that the rest of the world and the people in it all appear on the other side of an impenetrable wall, like a movie screen, and when they annoy me (like movies do now), I can sht in my own hand and throw it  at them, shriek in joy or displeasure, and show them my @ss without going to jail (again). If they refuse to stay a safe distance away, I'll beat my simian dck like it owes me money and see if I can launch some DNA far enough to cause a panic, howling with glee and mischief the entire time.Yes, that's how much 21 Gramssucks.