Movie Review: Don’t Go Breaking My Heart/單身男女

Quite frankly, it’s hard for me to write this review of a China-friendly film in the midst of the worst repression since Mao. So if I come off as more than usually snide, sarcastic, crass, and bitter, too f@#$ing bad. It’s galling enough to watch Wai Ka Fai and Johnnie To suck up to the Big Red Market, but to have to pretend as if that’s no big deal, while the ghost of Joe McCarthy shrieks with righteous laughter behind me is a little too much to ask.

Louis Koo and Daniel Wu as Johnnie To and Wai Ka Fai, and some Mainland bimbo as the China Market’s fat red ass.

Don’t Go Breaking My Heart/單身男女 is Johnnie To and Wai Ka Fai’s official entry (entree?) into the Mainland film market.

Yes, the same people who brought us Electionare now trying to suck up to the Big Red Box Office.

Ooooh, how exciting!

It’s a breezy romantic comedy (without sex), so no violence, or political overtones, or anything else that might offend the Party.

Well, Daniel Wu starts the film off as a bearded, irresponsible artistic type,

but that character disappears after gaining architectural recognition.

Holy shit, art reflecting life!

The film is mostly in Mandarin, since all good Hong Kongers should learn the National Language and if they don’t they can all go f@#$ themselves. Wait ’til 2046, 3-8s.

It’s about a young woman from Suzhou who comes to Hong Kong and gets dumped by Terence Yin.

She’s too stupid to realize this is a good thing.

But seriously (?), she is wooed by two men: Louis Koo, a habitual womanizer who lacks the moral fortitude to take responsibility for allowing his d*ck to lead him through life,

Milk tea bukkake!!!

and Daniel Wu, an alcoholic who drinks 2 quarts of whiskey a day but doesn’t need rehab. All he needs is to go on a date  with this woman, who is apparently the Chinese Betty Ford.

Because China solves all problems.

Or just makes them disappear, which Daniel’s alcoholism, dysfunction, malaise, and beard all do, seemingly overnight.

China up, ho’s down!!!

This film isn’t really bad. It’s no more vacuous, puerile and saccharine than most any other romantic comedy, including the ones that To and Wai used to make with Andy Lau and Sammi Cheng.

Maybe its just my own prejudice that sees this one as especially dumbed-down for its intended audience.

But why on earth is the female protagonist’s mother cackling hysterically at 2 Become One, the breast cancer movie, as she watches it on TV? There’s nothing thatfunny about that film.

And maybe the materialist subtext has always been there, but it struck me as especially apparent/transparent here. Daniel Wu only becomes attractive after he shaves and gets a job.

Now that you follow the rules, you see that cooperation is beneficial.

I did, occasionally, laugh.

The film isn’t put together badly, and its acted pretty well.

I just didn’t care about anyone in it.

I have no qualms about how it was directed, but I didn’t care for the way it was aimed.

So long, Hong Kong, hello Big Red.

Then again, I’m not a young, professional, female from the Mainland.

Though I have rented a few.

So in fairness I’m not the demographic.

I don’t smoke, speak Mandarin, or think that Louis Vuitton is God.

And just maybe I’m having a little trouble this week being forgiving of The Big Red Market.

Maybe they can make a HK-only sequel called Don’t Go Disappearing World-Reknowned Artists.

But I’m not gonna hold my breath.