Movie Review: East Meets West/東成西就2011

In the interest of brevity, I will try to make this review evoke (or ape) the film itself.

There you go. A seemingly random collection of (mildly) visually interesting things that have no apparent connection to each other, any meaning, or any depth whatsoever.

And Kenny B as a zombie transvestite.

Now my life is complete.

I saw this movie a couple weeks ago just as I was starting to get sick with what would become bronchitis. I had a head full of cough syrup, but I still blame this pile of garbage for being an indecipherable mess that is utterly forgettable. Even looking at these photos, which I vaguely recognize, I can’t remember anything substantive about the plot. I don’t think there was much to begin with.

I’m just grateful I’ve forgotten.

Jeff Lau has used up the goodwill he got from me with  Just Another Pandora’s Box/越光宝盒, which almost made up for some of his other recent and rather questionable (read: sh*tty) films.

Like  Kung Fu Cyborg/機器俠.

And  Fantastic Water Babes/出水芙蓉.

If I ever meet him, I’ll shit in his eyes and say “We’re even. Douche.”

I can’t wait for 2011 to end. Cinematically speaking, its been like massaging my scrotum with a cheese grater that uses hot sauce for lube.