Movie Review: Womb Ghosts/惡胎

Womb Ghosts/惡胎 (no, I couldn't find any bigger images)PrologueLet me just get this joke out of the way:Speaking as a gwei lo(鬼佬), which theoretically lends my argument extra weight, I would gladly haunt that womb for centuries.I'd be up in that ass like I was theBicycle Seat of the Dead (自行車車座的死亡).But never mind all that.

Dennis S.Y.Law needs to change his name to Dennis 'Dynasty' Law, because that's the only place the Gang of Film will watch his movies.

His latest,Womb Ghosts/惡胎 ,is a story about women haunted by ghosts of children.

I think.

It's hard to be sure, because this story is told so ponderously that it's difficult to pay attention. As noted in my reviewof Law's Bad Blood/滅門, and I quote:

"I'm all for verisimilitude, but when you have dialogue about everyone gathering in a room for a meeting, you don't have to show everyone gathering in the room."When a character is walking home to their house, we don't need to see THE ENTIRE WALK.

But hey, let's be honest. The main reason 95% of the audience are watching this movie is to look at Chrissie Chau.That's not suntan lotion; it'shot sauce.Futile Disclaimer #1: I don't really find Chrissie Chau hot.

I know I just joked about being Schwinn of the Dead, but that was for humor.Chrissie Chau has a nice figure. So what? It's not unique. It's also not really my thing.

When it comes to Thanksgiving turkey, I'm much happier with the thigh than the breast. Same with chickens too.

She has a nice navel, I'm not gonna lie. But again, lots of young women do. Hers is nice, but not special.

And at my age, it mostly reminds me of hownot nice mine is.

She also doesn't strike me as the brightest bulb on the porch.

Maybe I'm indulging in educational/intellectual snobbery, but then again my job does entail evaluating the intelligence of young people.

She has a voice that is deeper than her cleavage.

Actually, I kinda like the voice. But only because it makes her sound older. Ooooh, I got abad case of the MILFshakes!But the biggest reason she's not hot to me?

I think she looks like a pug.

"Would you rub my belly?"Leaving all that aside for a moment, let's just look at her acting inWomb Ghosts/惡胎. Her small roles to date haven't asked that much of her, and she was okay in them. But a leading role places large stresses and demands on the person fulfilling it.

So now she knows what her bra feels like. Except that her bra cancarry the weight. Dammit. Chrissie Chau's physical presence (and it is a significant presence) cannot make up for the fact that she doesn't seem to do much acting here. There's not much in the way of character depth or detail. Like too many of her predecessors, she's not very engaging when covered in fabric of any sort.

In fairness to Ms. Chau, it should be noted that she isn't given much opportunity, and assuming that she, as part of the film, was directed as much or as well as the rest of the film, she really can't take all the blame.

Besides, trying to act inWomb Ghosts/惡胎is a lot like polishing the silverware on the Titanic.

Second Futile Disclaimer:Having just roundly insulted Ms. Chau, I ought to apologize, at least partially because, I confess, my greatest sentiment towards her is one of regret.

I don't feel very good about comparing her face to a dog's and calling her dull-witted.

She's still obviously very attractive in other ways, and I hope I'm wrong on the intelligence jab.

But at the very least, those ideas have some bearing on my point, because those two things are a big part of what drives her exploitation.

The other part is us.

She is being quite thoroughly exploited for us, and those of you who say she accedes and has some form of control are missing my point.

A prostitute who accepts her situation and has control over it is still getting f@#$ed 10-20 times a day.

Chrissie Chau knows she's selling herself and her body. But she's stillselling herself and her body.She's not selling her acting or even her face.

She's selling things with a 'sell by' date. Things you can't keep in the crisper. And that clock never stops ticking. She's not selling herself short, she's short-selling herself. What she is selling can never be reclaimed at any price.

I don't particularly care to watch a woman pimp herself and her youth in a market and environment whose willingness to consume it is matched only by the (imminent) willingness to ridicule, belittle, and forget her for doing just that.

I'm old enough to remember Amy Yip. We haven't seen her for 15 years, have we? She had 5 years. Then gone.

That we, or Ms. Chau, should think her experience will play out any differently is proof of profound stupidity.

Ten years from now, when gravity trumps youth, we may remember Chrissie Chau as That Girl Who Disrupted the Book Fairor someone who made a few movies once.

Ever see what a professional athlete looks like at 60? They sold their youth for fame and money. But neither of those things can help them at that age, partially because they have little or none left of either.

So why do I go into this rant?

BecauseWomb Ghosts/惡胎exploits Chrissie Chau just like everyone else. 

The camera basically molestsher a few times, ogling her as if it were a lecher. This is fan service of the highest, and lowest, order.

I do sometimes wish I had little enough self-awareness that I could simply enjoy these things as they are intended, but then again I'm rather glad I can't.

It reminds me of the old Category III movies where the rape scenes were 'rape' scenes, given both their exploitative depictions of women as well as the woman's eventual 'enjoyment' of being sexually assaulted.

Yuck.

So that's the precedentWomb Ghosts/惡胎operates from, and that bad taste in my mouth isn't from dinner. 

I had a chicken omelet, and that's not a euphemism.

Chrissie is shown changing after work from a nurse's uniform (more fan service) into jeans.

In front of us.

Now, she isdoing so in that fascinating way women have of changing their clothes without ever really being naked, but at the same time it makes no narrative contribution whatsoever. It's just another chance to see a lot of her skin.

We also get to see her underwear a lot. It's nice underwear (I guess). But not nice enough that we need to see it so often.

She even gets an injection on the top of her thigh, which naturally entails pulling her (very frilly for work) underwear down to expose half her @ss.

Apparently just because. That's why it's in the movie.

Because she didn't tell the director to go f@#$ himself.

The worst thing for me, however, are two POV shots that are so wildly suggestive and so shamelessly exploitative that you know they were done intentionally.

I also know that these scenes willdrive DVD sales:

1. She's laying on her back on a bed while a ghost hovers over her. We see her from the ghost POV, i.e. looking down at Chrissie Chau in bed as if you were having sex, with her in the missionary position.

My strongest reaction wasn't a desire to f@#$ Ms. Chau, it was more a shocking realization at how long its been since I saw that kind of thing in person.The only thing on earth more single than me is an amoeba. Dammit.

1. Later, she is kneeling in front of her boyfriend and looks up at him. We of course see this from the boyfriend's POV.

His name in this scene is apparently Haywood Jablomie.

Maybe I was being extra-sensitive because I was sitting next to Yu Yung Yung while watching the movie. She had decided to join the Gang of Film for this movie. We were short-handed, just myself, Kevin Ma, and Tim, so it was nice to have a fourth person.

Not that we were gonna play bridge, I'm just saying.

It was especially nice because it's Yung Yung. I joked with her that The Dynastywas the first place I ever saw her; the Gang of Film watched In Love With the Dead there.

So I guess I felt bad to have to watch all this shameless exploitation in the company of a femalefriend. It was all a bit too 'laddish' for me to feel good about.

If all this titillation (there I go again) was besmirching a halfway decent film, it wouldn't be as bad.

But the film is junk.

It's awful.

It's tedious.

It will be viewed mostly by men looking to fondle Chrissie Chau with their eyes. There's nothing here for anyone else.

These same creepy geeks will set the POV shots on loop andbeat their d*ck like it owes them money.

I doubt Dennis Law set out to make a stroke flick, but that's about all he accomplished.

No caption necessary, is there?

EpilogueI've never met Chrissie Chau. I don't know her. All I know of her is what I see in the media. That image, that 'person,' is not someone I envy or respect.But it's all too easy for me to slag her off, and in so doing I am simply participating in the same process I just impugned. (Apparent) bimbos are an easy target, and there's no pride or valor to be had in sh*tting on them.

I just wish she wasn't so willing to sell herself so cheaply. Because that road leads to places she doesn't want to go, even if she doesn't know it yet. By the time she figures it out, it will be too late, literally and figuratively.

I know people who have met and worked with her, but I'd like to meet her myself, to gather enough experiential evidence to be able to abandon my condescending, patronizing view of her.

Of course, that's what I wanted to happen when I met Hotcha!, so I guess I should be careful what I wish for.Besides, I'm sure none of you vituperative swine believe my motivation for wanting to meet her anyway .

Don't worry, I'm sure it won't happen.