Pictures and Prattle

On Wednesday I took Vickie to see Up.

 Apparently, the pigeon-toed thing starts early.I had wanted to take her on my birthday, but scheduling conflicts threw a wrench in the proceedings. Luckily, she forgave me enough to go with me.

Althoughshe had in fact already seen the Cantonese-dubbed version with her dad. Luckily for her, I forgave her enough to still take her. Besides, she's a good kid. See?Will you just take the picture pleeeeeease???If I say I really enjoy these excursions and look forward to them, it is much more emblematic of the socially vacuous nature of my life than any concession to tolerating children.

They still generally make me nauseous.

But Vickie is a very good kid to be around and I have let her understand several times that she has a choice: do what I tell her beforegoing to the movies (clean room, practice piano, etc.) as well as during the movie excursion (don't run around, say please and thank you to everyone, don't talk with your mouth full), or else we don't go to the movies. Simple.

Draconian, perhaps, but I weigh more than 4 times what she does. Darwin says I get to run things.

My half of the bargain is making sure that I do what I said I would. Ideally, she just thinks I'm dependable. Which is what grown-ups are supposedto be. After all, we're the ones with the power over life and death or, more importantly, movies and McDonalds.

A responsibility not to be taken lightly, I assure you.

Upwas a good movie, and I enjoyed it, sort of.

It's strange for me, being simultaneously a parent-by-proxy while at the same time a flaming misanthrope, to find myself disturbed, even appalled, by a movie that has violent  death.

Normally, these things don't bother me; on Sunday I'm going to see a new Japanese/American co-production from Tokyo Shock that supposedly sets a world record for fake blood use during production.Frankenstein Girl vs. Vampire Girl should be knee-deep in gore. Here's a verysmall taste:I don't care what you say, she still lookshot...But that's for grown ups.

Disney films aren't.

I was veryuncomfortable with Vickie seeing a movie where a man falls screaming to his death. If nothing else, the movie missed a chance for a 'hard landing' joke that would also show he survived the fall.

I just worry about how Vickie will interpret/process these things, because I have no idea how much she can handle.

And I knowthat I don't know how to handle her getting scared/upset.

It was the same for the scene in

Ratatouillewhere they show the shop window full of dead rats. I was very worried she would get scared or upset. She's a little kid. That said, I notice that 10-year-old-Vickie picks up a lot more of my jokes and nonsensical blather than 7-year-old-Vickie. That's okay too. They usually make her laugh, and it shows me she's a pretty bright kid.

I hate hanging around dumb people of any age.

But it also shows me she's growing up, and it can only be a matter of time before kid's movies with Uncle Sean become a thing of the past.That's okay. I'll still be a part of her life. I can't wait to do a localized version of 'Boyfriend Screening':After the movie, we went to KFC and then later had ice cream in Sha Tin.

Because grown ups can do what they want, and any kids with them have to do what the grown up says. Even if it means eating ice cream.The only bad part of hanging with Vickie?

Every time I see a pretty woman and smile at her, I get an expression that says "You evil f@#$ing scumbag. Trying to cheat on your wife in front of your own (adopted, I would have to guess) child! Go die. Painfully."

I asked Vickie if she would wear a shirt that says "He's my uncle. He has no wife or girlfriend" in Chinese.

She said she would.

She rules.

She will also clean her room and practice piano and Chinese grammar scrupulously for the next week.

Because G-Force opens on August 20. Between vengeful Frenchmen and guinea pigs...just another afternoon with Uncle Sean.