SARFT Automates

Did you ever stop to think about how awful it must have been to have to sit through Lust Caution and decide just how much of it to get rid of?

Can you imagine having to tell directors how to construct or modify films when you have absolutely no experience or education in filmmaking?

For some people, this horrible existence is all too real.

But now, thanks to technology (even if it does come from a morally corrupt nation of imperialists), we no longer need actual humans sifting through potentially 'offensive' film content.

Thanks to a contract with America's Eventide corporation, China's SARFT (State Administration of Radio, Film & Television) has made a technological breakthrough in the process of 'harmonization' (i.e. taking out all the unacceptable bits from media). What used to take years (or appeared to take years so you could stall a release until interest died) can now be accomplished in milliseconds.The Eventide Ultra-Harmonizer removes inferred or explicit depictions of moral ambiguity, profanity, and depictions of reproduction (i.e. fucking).

It also wipes away unethical behavior by authority figures (i.e. cops and government officials) including corruption, theft, rape, murder, (up to 1,00 deaths; plug-in required for higher numbers),  and failure to set a shining example for the proletariat.

It also makes the proletariat always look happy, well-fed, and free of lead poisoning.Thanks to the Ultra Harmonizer's Revisionism Algorithm, it can rewrite history faster than Winston Smith on crack.

Who beat Japan in WWII? Gimme a bouncy C... for China.

Who did Ip Man run from when he came to Hong Kong? Not the Communists, but the KMT!

Local filmmakers keen on Chinese market entry will be glad to know of the Ultra-Harmonizer's advanced synthesis module which allows not only removalof content but the additionof content based on the pre-existing film.

Revelations of undercover status, requisite death or arrest of bad guys, and ideological redemption can now be tacked onto a movie with the push of a button.

With the time and manpower freed up by this magnificent device, maybe CSARFT can work on a RATINGS SYSTEM so that every film that plays in China need not be tailored to avoid going beyond a six year old's grasp of life, morals, and justice, and in the process help save movies like  Lady Cop Papa Crookfrom being turned into celluloid abortions in the name of ideology.Better living (if not better movies) through technology.

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