Telecasters...

"I wanted to call the record . But my label, Music for Lap Dances, thought that it would be objectifying Telecasters. We didn't want to offend Nashville, so we called it Strippers & Methinstead.

" -  Hugh Jass, The Buck FunniesThis week was a 'fun mail' double feature.

No, I didn't gettwin Laotian mail-order brides.

I got the next best thing: guitar parts!

(It appears Grandpa is slowing down, eh?)

First up: A package from Athens Ohio, home of Stewart McDonald Guitar Shop Supply.They've been more help to me than anyone else in decorating my spare bedroom:It was like Christmas in February. Look what I got:Tools for filing and sanding frets, adjusting truss rods, shielding cavities, and buffing lacquer.None of those are euphemisms, by the way. But they could be, huh?

This stuff may look dull to you, but it  tickles me. And not just the DVDs. Those are for wiring and repairing guitars.

Feel drowsy yet? You will...

Then yesterday, I got a small envelope with two of these little treasures:They are correctly known as 'blank telecaster control plates.'

This one is so shiny you can see other guitars in it...

They are the plate that hold the control for a Telecaster style guitar. See? Normally they are already drilled for a switch and two knobs:But I needed something different. This is the man I used to 'tech' for, Warner Hodges:As a guitar tech, my job was to keep his guitars in tune and in one piece. I could keep them in tune, and usually one piece.

But Warner's... enthusiasticwhen he plays. 

He's... exuberant.He beats the living sht out of his guitars and he's famous for inadvertently destroying them.He just throws them around...And around...But its worth it for the music he makes"Ginger and the Scorchers" 2008Look at it this way. The photo below is circa 1987-88. The guy on the right is Vince Neil, of Motley Crue. And he looks to be the healthierof the two of them..."This pssy thinks he can do a lot of blow..."Luckily, Warner has put such pastimes behind him.

Well, he still thinks Vince Neil is a jerkoff.

Over the years, he devised a few modifications that help lessen the impact of himself on his instruments. One of which was to simplify the controls of his Telecasters.

Instead of one volume, one tone, and a 3-position Fender style (Fender invented the Telecaster) switch, he uses a single volume knob and a Gibson-type (they invented the Les Paul) 3-way toggle switch:You can see the switch on the left and the knob in the middle on his guitar above. Here's a slightly better look: It's more bulletproof and it makes it easier to use. I've always loved Telecasters but hated the way the switches were located.

So now, I can make my new Telecaster just like Warner's: Looks nice, huh?

You may also have noticed the copper coloring in the other cavities. That's shielding tape. It helps make the guitar quieter.

Fluorescent lights, and especially neon, can make alot of excess electrical noise that gets picked up by guitars (that's why they call the things that 'hear' the strings pickups). Shielding makes them  quieter.

But there's not much neon or fluorescent light in Hong Kong, so maybe I'm just being tedious.Warner loves Deb, and Jason tries to listen to Colin, who's probably enumerating the fine points of 'removal lorries' or some other such thing. He's Scottish. He's my roommate on tour. I didn't take this photo, but I've seen this plenty of times. This is what it looks like 'on the inside.'

No sleep, chronic soreness, McDonald's  twice a day, shitty PA systems, unruly drunks, and losing your sunglasses has serious medical consequences. Headache that could blind a pig (which leads to wondering why the bass player doesn't need glasses).

Small price to pay for being front row for one of the best rock and roll bands in the world.

The fact that they feel better when you're there than when you're not? Priceless.[if gte mso 9]> Normal/w:View 0/w:Zoom /w:Compatibility MicrosoftInternetExplorer4/w:BrowserLevel /w:WordDocument <![endif][if !mso]>

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