Love vs. Attachment

This is a topic that I feel is quite striking and quite interesting for many to grasp.  I don't think in today's society we truly know how to decipher between the two of these.  When we as humans "fall in love" is this "love" or possibly "attachment."  Like most things in life, there is no right or wrong answer, just or own perception of what is right or wrong.  It is my perception that everything in life is debatable which is why we truly don't really have facts.  If we did we wouldn't ignore history, because history is the biggest fact/study known to man.  Love is much of the same.  We only look at a part of the historical views of love.

We all watch the movies, and read the fairy tales on what love is.  Two people coming together and falling in love and live happily ever after.  And for some this is a truth, and for others this is highly unlikely.  Why is this?  Why can't we all get our own fairy tale and live the American dream.  My personal theory is that we really don't want it.  I mean honestly you wouldn't be whee you are today if some part of you didn't want to be there.  And that same rule applies to that of love.  If you wanted a fairy tale romantic dream, you would have created it.  Instead people created conflict and twists and turns.  Because if we all had a fairy tale life wouldn't be any fun.

So what is attachment and what is love?

Lets start with love, or what I believe to be love.  There are 4 stages of love.  Most of the population are only at the first stage of love, and this isn't a bad thing, it just is.  The first stage of love is Sex and Violence.  Why are most people stuck here? because they only can comprehend this phase.  Sex and Violence is how our world works.  Otherwise we wouldn't be in Iraq and we wouldn't have celebrities that are "sex" icons.  If you think about it this is how we view much of the main stream movies of sex.  Porn, is very much at this level.  Often times showing sex as a means of entertainment and enjoyment (which as I said before there is nothing wrong with).

The second Phase of love is conditional love.  In Chinese culture we are too good at this phase of love.  How many kids are spanked in the name of love? "I'm doing this because I love you."  Or how about loyalty.  You show love with condition.  Lets think about it.  If you don't do this you don't really love this person.  Thats conditional love!  If you are committed to me and me alone, that is conditional love.  Yes you herd me right, a committed relationship, where love is expressed through commitment is conditional love.

The third phase of love is compassionate love.  This is love without condition but with compassion.  This means that a person truly loves the person no matter what, and does not act on conditional actions.  To love with compassion is to love without a punishment, but still this person may feel wronged in certain situations.  For instance if the person was cheated on he/she would be able to truly let go and forgive his/her partner for cheating on him/her.  This is also the level where certain promiscuity is (notice I said certain).  This is two people able to being completely open and honest with one another's feelings with out being angry at a person for taking one action or another.  Thus, an open marriage where both husband and wife are able to be promiscuous, but yet still completely love their partner.  Or this could be two people who are honest and decide that they want to be committed to one another, but still share their true feelings with one another.

Finally the Fourth and final stage of love is Unconditional Love.  This is truly loving someone no matter what.  I don't believe this stage of love to be achievable by humans, but it has been achieved by what we know as avatars.  This would be Jesus, Buddha, Ghandi, Krishna, Yogananda, etc.  When we love unconditionally we love like a plant or animal loves.  We love without regret or condition.  This is love where we can be spit at and just wipe it off (Buddha), or slapped and just turn our cheek.  This is what unconditional love is.  It is not even polarized as good or evil it just is.

Then What is Attachment?

Attachment is in the first 2 phases of love.  It is when we feel we miss someone, or cannot be without someone.  Really attachment is what we mistake for love.  When we say we are "in love" we are really just attached to the person.  This is when we need or must be with someone.  Its something that is very tough to grasp, because all our life we are given the illusion of a fairy tale for love, and really it is attachment.

These are merely my perceptions of what is love and what is attachment.  For some this will resonate with you, and others this will offend you.  My purpose is not to offend anyone but make people think.

Osho is one of my favorite philosophers and this is a book talking more on this subject. 

Be Well

H