Revealing My Secrets

So, my trip back to Hong Kong this time around was mainly for this commercial that I'm supposed to shoot and become the new image girl for.   When I was in NY they actually asked me if I could come back earlier to start..but, because I had already planned on spending my birthday this year with Jen (my second oldest sister)...I insisted that I come back as planned...well...the commercial is for a slimming center (which I will not mention which one).  I had to come back basically to start doing treatments and losing some weight..  In the beginning, I was very hesitant to do the commercial.  I feel very strongly about losing weight in the wrong way only because of my own personal struggles with weight.  I knew that I was heavier at that time..and thought, well...if I can lose some weight and get paid for it..then, why not.  Of course, I had strict rules about the process that we had to lay down to the center in order for me to agree to the commercial. I told them my history with losing weight...

when I first came to Hong Kong and started modeling, I was told to lose weight.  I remember back then, I never thought as myself as overweight..but, I was constantly being told that I needed to lose weight...so, I stopped eating meat and carbs.  My modeling agency would always make comments and touch my body to see if I got any thinner....I also weighed myself every single day....which made me go crazy because if I just gained 1 pound in a day I would be crying.  This is when all my mental struggles with weight started to develop in Hong Kong.  I had some issues before when I was younger because I was a Rhythmic Gymnast...but, that is another story.   So...once I started doing Miss HK, my problems got worse.  I was literally eating only boiled vegetables and fruit.  My energy level was decreasing...and my skin tone was so bad that I had to wear make up every day!  I began to get depressed because of the lack of nutrition in my diet....my lowest was 110lbs at 5'7". That's way too skinny...I had no chest!  But...the perfect figure for an actress in HK!  So..everyone told me how great I looked! (totally being sarcastic)

This is really only one incident.  In my history of losing weight..there was always a yo yo effect that would happen because I got so depressed...that I'd finally start eating again and my weight would go back up.  So...the other time was when I was a image girl for a different slimming Center..that didn't go well either because I ended up eating hardly anything....and once the commercial was over...I gained it back. 

Ok, so back to THIS commercial.  I made them know that I wasn't going to follow any diet that they gave me.  I would eat right but do it my own way...because in the past this sort of thing has made me very unhappy...I would exercise and go do treatment every single day.  So..that is exactly what I have done...I've gone every day since I've been back. I've been trying to eat right by not eating sweets...and sticking to a gluten free diet.  And the thing is....I truly believe in their product.  I believe that their sucking machines actually work and have made me lose inches.  Losing actual pounds is a different story....I don't know how much actual weight I lost because another rule I had was that they were not to disclose to me how much I weighed or lost.  Any form of measuring would make me start to get depressed again. Besides, weight is too hard to measure since I exercise and have muscle.  I have never been happier about my body and I was sooo happy that I believed in their product.  And, to be blunt...ladies, we all know what we usually lose when we lose weight..in the area where we tend to want more....this time I lost weight....that part stayed haha...Plus, I'm a bad liar...so it worked out great that I felt so positive about them and wouldn't have to lie to reporters when they interviewed me. 

          And here is the downfall...today, my manager (aunt) tells me that they feel that I haven't lost weight quick enough...and they won't be able to take the photos in time.  They basically don't feel that I'm thin enough to advertise their center at the moment.  Hmm....ok, this really really upset me.  Because, here I am very happy about my body and not depressed about it...for the first time...and they still think I'm not thin enough....Wow...they really looked for the wrong person to represent them.  I thought that they'd want a healthy image...you know, a real woman with curves....I mean, that's why anyone would choose me in the first place, right?  Not so that they could turn me into any other stick thin GIRL.  Well...I was upset...but, I realized that I only gained out of this experience.  I was able to do treatments for free...and I've been so happy for the past few weeks because I've lost weight in a happy way.  It's really their loss that they don't use me....so many people have asked me how I've lost weight and I've only said good things about them....people tend to trust what I say...so, I think that for them not to use me is the biggest mistake they ever made.  If anyone can convince the public that this center REALLY works....I can confidently say that I'm one of them....which I hope doesn't sound too snobby..but, it's true because most people who know me know that I can't lie.  Well, if I have to starve myself to represent them...then, I'd say that it doesn't really work..right?  I'm not about to make myself go through with that....And, I'd like to represent a healthy image and not one that forces girls to have eating disorders.....oops!  Was that too harsh?  Well...that is my feedback on that topic.  Thank you for helping me find happiness with my body...and I'm sorry that I'm not what you want..but, it was all worth it in the end.....if I didn't come back for the commercial...who knows, maybe I wouldn't have chosen to move back to HK.......

這一回我回香港主要是因為要做一個廣告。當時我在紐約,他們拼命催我回來，但是我早就安排了今年要和我的二姐一起過生日...所以我堅持要按照原定計劃...那是一個孅體中心(當然我不會在這兒告訴你是那一家)。

   我回來基本上就是為了要做減肥的療程..一開始我不很想接這個廣告的，因為我很反對用錯誤的方法去減肥，但是後來...我也知道自己那個時候有一點點胖，所以再想想...如果有人付我錢，又能幫我減肥，那也不是件壞事。

   當然我還是有自己的原則的，如果他們肯同意我的條件，我才會去做那個廣告，我也坦白告訴他們我以前減肥的故事...

   我剛到香港的時候，曾經去當過模特兒，他們讓我減肥，其實這以前，我從來沒覺得自己胖過。但是來了香港以後，不斷被人提醒要我減肥...所以我開始不吃任何肉類，但是我模特兒公司的人還是常常會議論，甚至於要量我的尺寸，看看我是否瘦了...同時我還得每天上磅，磅自己的重量....如果那一天我發現自己重了一磅，我就會哭足一整天，我覺得自己差不多快瘋了...

   我到了香港以後，開始對體重有了恐懼症，其實我更小的時候，那時候我還在跳藝術體操時，我曾經...當然，那是另一個故事...

   當我開始選香港小姐的時候，情形變得更糟糕了，我每天只吃水煮的素菜和水果，我變得完全沒有力氣...還有因為每天化裝我的膚色變得很差，同時營養不良使我情緒很低落....我有五尺七寸高，最輕到過110磅，那是相當瘦了...那時我幾乎連胸都沒有了! 但是...這就是香港演員要的最標準的身材..所以每一個人都告訴我，我看起來有多漂亮，(簡直是在開玩笑)

   在我減肥的歷程中，那只是一次偶遇..其實一下子胖了，我就什麼都不敢吃，我的情緒變得非常低落... 然後我又開始拼命吃個不停，重量也就直線上升，就這樣一下子胖一下子瘦的，搖擺不停....

   我也曾當過另一個孅體中心的代言人..但是也並不是很成功，通常我先是節食不吃，等拍完了廣告，我又開始胖回來了。

   所以這一次， 我一開始我就讓他們明白，首先我是不願意依照他們的食譜去吃的，因為那會讓我吃得很不開心，但是他們可以放心，我決不會亂吃，我會按照我自己的方法吃得很健康.....我告訴他們，在做他們的療程的同時，我會每天做各種不同的運動。

   事實上我回來後，我也遵照約定每天這樣做了，我盡可能讓自己吃得很健康，不吃任何甜品，不碰澱粉質的食物。更重要的是....我居然開始非常相信他們的療程，我覺得他們那些機器真的可以幫到我，讓我瘦下來....

   但是瘦下來和減輕磅數是兩回事，因為當初我們曾約定，他們可以每天讓我上磅，但是不可以告訴我幾磅，因為這些數字都是會造成我情緒低落的因素。其實基本上很難用重量去衡量一個人的胖瘦的，尤其是像我那樣，我做那麼多運動就會有肌肉，而肌肉往往比肥肉還要重...

   說句老實話，那麼久減肥以來，我從來沒有像現在那樣開心過，能對自己的身材那麼滿意過，更重要的是，我真的很相信他們的療程，通常我們一減肥，整個身子都會瘦下來，該瘦的瘦了，不該瘦的也瘦了....但是這一次我該瘦的地方都減了尺寸，不該瘦的，硬是一點都沒少...我這個人不會說假話的...所以當那些媒體來訪問我的時候，我可以很開心的告訴媒體，我這次減肥的感覺。

   然而，事情突然有了改變...今天我的乾媽也就是我的經理人跟我說，他們覺得我的體重減得不夠快，趕不上他們的時間表，來拍這一期的照片...基本上他們認為，我現在還瘦得不夠做他們代言人的標準....

   我聽了真的非常難過，竟管我現在很滿意自己的身材，而且是第一次並沒有因為減肥而情緒低落，但是他們還是認為我不夠瘦，....

   我想他們打一開始就不該找我做他們的代言人。我還一直以為他們希望要一個健康的形象...要知道，一個真正的女人，是應該有曲線的，....我是說，如果他們當初選的是我，就不該以為我會變成像洗衣板那麼瘦的女孩...

   聽到那個消息，我起先是很難過...但是後來從另一個角度去想，這一次我還是得到很多，首先我沒有花一分錢，就去做了整個的療程，而且過去的幾個星期我是那麼的愉快，我第一次發現自己可以減肥減得那麼快樂，正確的說，或許沒有用我做他們的代言人是他們的損失 ....最近當人們看見我瘦了那麼多，都會問我是什麼原因，我都一直在讚美他們的療程....我的改變其實是最能讓大眾相信，他們的療程是真正可以幫到那些須要減肥的人減肥....我真的這樣認為....我希望我沒有讓人覺得太誇張了..

   所有認識我的人都知道，我這個人從來不說假話的，如果現在我想搗蛋的話，我可以說他們的療程是沒用的，但是我不會這樣做...

   總而言之，我一直希望自己給人一種健康的形象，而不是一個厭食症的女孩 .....哦，對不起，我是不是有一點過分...

   回到我今天的主題...

   在這裡我先要感謝他們幫我找回對自己身材的自信...同時我很抱歉我不是他們所要的..

   對我來說，這一切都是值得的.....如果不是因為這個廣告，我不會回來...或許我不會起“回流香港”之念.......