Fatigue Metaphors, Metaphor fatigue.

My father is fond of saying 'busier than a one-armed paper hanger with fleas.' Paper hanger in this instance means a person who puts up wallpaper.

Not desktop wallpaper. Real wallpaper. Where do you think they gotthat word?

Well, I have been busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.

That's busy.

Life and it's requirements have been beating me like a rented mule, a red-headed stepchild, and an egg-sucking dog.

All of which can be freely beaten, usually...Read more

Kill Me Now

Sharon Stone says the earthquake is bad karma.

Building an entire career out of  a "Hello Kitty" homage isn't? Why is Sharon Stone famous? For supposedly being 'duped' into showing off her [humorous but deeplyaffectionate term for female genitalia] in a movie.

Like we didn't know she hadone? Or didn't know what it looked like?

Hey, I loveto look at them, but the simple truth is that they all kinda look the same. I've seen one before that looked just like hers. In fact, I think it bel...Read more

"What are you, f@#$in' retahhhded?"

I finally watched The Departed today.

I really got a lot of laughs out of the dialogue. I remember when it played in theatres here, a lot of local people wondered why the remake of Infernal Affairs had so much profanity.

"That's how people in South Boston talk," I would tell them.

And they dotalk like that. I grew up in Massachusetts, Connecticut, and Rhode Island. Listening to the characters profanely insult one another at every opportunity made me nostalgic. It remi...Read more

The Iniquities of Ideology

In my previous blog about Kung Fu Panda, Peachey brings up some points I'd rather address in their own entry, since they deserve such attention.

"If Vickie asks about stereotypes, why can't you give her the straight answer?"

Because the truth of those answers violates some of the central assumptions (and assumed tenets) of the country that produces them, the country of which she and I are both citizens.

Children are really good at picking that stuff up, and they're also young, innoce...Read more

Kung Fu Panda? Why Don't They Call It...

Dear Asia: F@#$ You
Because let's face it; they all know martial arts.

And martial arts is all they know.

Or so Hollywood would have us think.

Maybe I'm an oversensitive person (though many would disagree), but I found this poster, being put up all over the Shaw Cinema in Singapore, kind of offensive. Maybe because we don't see the same thing in...Read more

My Life in Movies

For better or for worse, I realize that the role models I most strongly identified with in movies as a teenager may help to explain me: Snake Plissken, Max Rockatanski, Yellowbeard, and Captain Willard.

And I wonder why I have so few friends...

Voluntary Boredom and Socializing with Poultry

My life is not very exciting.

I am not saying my life is boring, just that, well, it's not always a thrill-a-minute joyride.

And thank God for that.

Because my idea of exciting is probably not healthy.

No, it's definitelynot healthy.

I used to say that fun started at felonies. To me, 'fun' must contain an element of... illicitness.

Fun is what you're not supposed to do. Or survivedoing.

There are a lot of things I have done in my li...Read more

Singapore; Day 1

This will be brief, as I am tired, but here are the essentials:

1. The air here is magnificently clean compared to Hong Kong.

2. There are police and soldiers, both with machine guns, in the airport. The soldiers even had wraparound sunglasses. I was VERY happy to see these guys, since it means foolishness will be executed.

3. The only other white guy on the shuttle bus got off in Geylang (no pun intended).

4. This hotel is magnificent. You can tell its really nice because you almost nev...Read more

Why Do You Think They Call It Dope?

I'm making last-minute preparations to go to Singapore next week for a much-needed break.

Even I notice that my blog entries can sometimes be infused with... torque. Someone needs a nap. For about a week.

Everyone kept telling me to go to Bangkok, it's cheap, it's lovely, it's-

No.

Middle aged farangin Bangkok (understandably) constantly get offered a most revolting array of diversions, none of them appetizing and few if any over the age of 15.

It's kind of lik...Read more

Greetings From Sh*tsville

The paper's hanging off the walls

There's roaches dancing in the halls

You still pay your fortune to crawl

Down misery street

The euthanasia dream brigade

Are melting in the Hampstead shade

The zombies of life they parade

Down misery street

So come on over with something to do , baby, I need the company

Greetings now from Shitsville, NW3

Why do we stay here, God only knows - it's not the scenery

Greetings now from Shitsville, NW3Read more